I swim beautifully…. on land. Or so I think. Yet I have
never been able to muster to courage of getting into the swimming pool without
having a float when my aunt used to bring myself, my sister and my cousin for
swimming at a public pool back then in my primary school days. I can’t remember
why but in the end, I would always be playing with the water in the children’s
pool on my own while my sister and cousin would be attending lessons. I suspect
that I must have resisted the idea of going for classes, because I do have a
vague memory of my aunt telling me “Look, even this four year old is able to
swim”
I guess by now readers would have realized that I fall into
the ‘kiasi’ category of the typical Singaporeans. Yes, literally ‘afraid of
death’. Even as a youth, (am still is)…
or even during the adolescent phase, the term ‘omnipotent adolescent’ has never
been applicable to me, probably much to the relief of my parents. Being careful
has kept me safe and sound. Yet it has shortchanged me, because when I think
about things that I have done for the first time, I couldn’t remember anything
exciting or worthy of interest, not to say the least, on the topic of the last
time I did something for the first time. I don’t suppose anyone would be
interested in the first time I drank alcohol, go to a pub or learn to drive. (all at a late age!).
So risk taking has never been a venture for me. Yet, in my
job, I am always getting people to take risks, encouraging them to open up
themselves to a stranger who they hardly know, bring up issues they may not
have dared share before or try out new experiences. That does seems like I am
in a 2-faced position where I am not practicing what I am preaching, doesn’t
it?
Strange as it sounds but now that I’ve skipped the
omnipotence stage of adolescent, I am relatively more game at trying out new
things. Though the operant word here is -
relatively… Sorry, you will not be getting courageous stories of ‘Parkour’
or ‘Yamakasi’ here. I do not think that I am a late developer, rather what may
have made the difference is that with each year in passing, I am more aware of
the time lost or the remaining that will be lost, more so after hearing
unfortunate news, one after another, of people that I know, falling ill;
diabetes, stroke, cancer, glaucoma. And so there is some irony in the term
‘Kiasi-ism’; because I am afraid of death, it’s time for me to seize the day.
I notice too that with every new experience accumulated, I
am also more positive of experimenting with new things. This fits well with the
concept a reputable family therapist from UK brought up in a conference I
attended recently. He proposed that:
Change
=
A commitment to
experimenting with a difference
+
Action
+
Repetition
+
Time
(Barry Mason,
2010)
What had helped in my personal experience to start it all is
probably the encouragement that I have been getting from people around me, people
who have more faith than I have in myself. People who tell me that ‘You can’ and
hold the hope for me. It is also less scary to start when you tell yourself
that it’s all at an experimental stage and not have too high hopes as well.
Of course, it is not going to change me overnight into a
totally different persona. I am still very cautious, conservative and lack the
fabled energy that youths are supposed to have, with no delusions about my own
omnipotence. But at least I have not lived in vain.
I plan to hold on to the hope for my clients who have given
up. And maybe, in time to come, I’ll have the courage to start learn swimming.
Carpe diem quam
minime credula postero