April 11. I didn't go to work. I was down with Hand Foot Mouth Disease, together with my kids for the past one week.
I was on my way with my child for a
medical follow-up when I saw my neighbour lying unconscious on the floor
of the opposite block. There was a man supporting him in a half seated
position. I gestured to that man to see if he might need additional
help.
The man said, "I've already called the ambulance. They are on their way."
I shouted back, "He's my neighbour."
He replied, with some relief, "Oh good!
Can you please inform his family to come down? The ambulance will be
here any minute. He was standing there alright, and had suddenly
collapsed. Could be a stroke."
Two minutes passed.
We made our way back and informed my neighbour's wife, whom had then quickly ran to where her husband was found unconscious.
Five minutes passed.
It wasn't until another good five minutes
that we finally saw the ambulance slowly making its way into the
carpark, and the paramedics then came on to give medical support.
That's when I decided to leave with my child for our own medical follow-up with the family doctor.
The morning went on as usual - I got busy
with my childcare. But I kept thinking about my neighbour. We've been
neighbours for about two years, but we've never spoken to one another,
except for one occasion when my husband had said, "hello," but was
ignored instead. With this incident, I was looking forward for an
improved relationship with our neighbour.
3:15pm. I realised my neighbour had
passed on. When I walked past his house unit, there were many visitors
and people from the funeral parlour were already busy preparing for his
wake downstairs.
Shock would be a good word to describe my
state of mind when I came to know about my neighbour's demise.
Disbelief too. I checked and checked again for the signs that a typical
Chinese family would do to symbolise that the family is mourning for a
member's demise. All the signs that I knew of were there.
Sadness. Disbelief still. We were taking
the same lift just the day before. He was looking alright. His demise
was just too sudden. It's almost like, "Now I see you, now I don't."
Guilt? Anger? Disbelief again. Many
thoughts ran through my mind. Could I have done something more than just
to inform his family? Why can't I remember my steps for CPR? I had even
wanted to offer to drive him to the hospital when there was no sight of
the ambulance in the morning. How are the family members coping with
his demise? Why am I feeling so disturbed? Am I grieving? I hardly know
him!
I made a call to my parents. Perhaps I
had wanted to find more people to talk about it to make myself feel
better. Perhaps I was afraid I might suddenly lose them too.
Life is so precious, so unpredictable, so
fragile. I thought I knew that all along, even more so with the news
updating about Japan's triple disaster everyday. But I think I was hit
the hardest through my neighbour's demise.