Cliché as the saying may sound, life is indeed short. Of late, I
have heard from friends of distressing and saddening news about family members
being afflicted with cancer. Somehow, that led me to reflect on the passing of
someone who was very dear and special to me.
I remember walking into the hospital room. The look on his
face, all-sunken and hollow, his body all frail and skeletal with only just a
layer of his flesh that was as thin as the sheets which laid flat over his
motionless body. The tears that welled up in my eyes at the sight of him came
flowing without cue. I fell to my knees and held tightly onto his hand that had
turned cold. No amount of human touch was going to bring back the warmth that
once filled it.
I had spoken to him on the phone just earlier in the week,
hearing about the increase in morphine and the discomfort he had with the
phlegm building up at the back of his throat. The doctors had prescribed him
with coca-cola so that he would be able to expel the phlegm. The discomfort
sounded trivial compared to the pain he had to endure with the chemotherapy and
body aches. Yet, he had never complained about those pains simply going about
his day with keeping himself abreast with the current affairs. Across the
phone, he had asked if I had read up about the news in Taiwan as he was keeping
pace with it. When questioned about his treatment, he shared that he will be
heading home later in the week and was craving for his favourite braised beef
noodles though he doubted having much of an appetite. I told him that I will
call again in few days time. The shock came when I received a call whilst at
work that his condition had taken a turn for the worse. It was a bleak Thursday
morning when the call came through; I immediately booked myself on the next available
flight due to fly out in the evening. Of all the flights back home, this was
indeed one of the longest. My thoughts were filled with all forms of emotions
and memories. Yet all the prayers amounted to nothing for my worst fears had come
true. By the time I reached his bedside the sight that greeted me was beyond my
imagination. He had lost so much weight and the gaunt composure made it
somewhat difficult to recognize him. I cursed myself for not boarding an
earlier flight, I blamed myself for not having spent more time by his side.
Most of all, I hated myself for all the fights and arguments that I had with
him when I was younger. His departure made me realize how trivial our fights
were.
All this happened three years ago, though memories of him
do not fill my mind as often, they still come to mind whenever I listen to old
records that he used to enjoy listening to. The music from Sound of Music
reminds me of the yearly video viewing we had as a family. How all of us would sing
to the tunes. Even the melodious tunes from Teresa Teng would conjure up images
of him serenading to my mom at the last family reunion where all relatives had
gathered together. The track was 月亮代表我的心. It may be a little too late but I do want to say thank you
to him for he had been there in my formative years. One lasting memory that
stuck at the back of my mind, where I felt our bond strengthen, was when he had
agreed to be a subject in a study I had for my adult developmental psychology module
in university. The research project required me to interview someone to
understand their developmental life-stages. He had shared with me stories of
his childhood years in rural Singapore, his growing up years in an extended
family of 14 other siblings and his years of independence whilst studying in
Australia followed by settling down and migrating back to Australia. All those
insightful sharing made me identify with him even more. Though cancer may have taken him
away from us, I am thankful for all the words of encouragement he had given me.
On this anniversary date, I dedicate this to all those who have family members
faced with medical ailments, do cherish the time with your loved ones before it
is too late. Most of all, I dedicate this to the loving memory of one of the most special
person in my life… Dad, I love you.
