Looking back at the diet of books I grew up reading, it occurred to me that together with sci-fi and romance, autobiography has never been a genre that I will actively seek to read. Gore and mysteries have always been the preferred choice. If memory hasn’t failed me, the only biographies I can recall reading are, Cristiano Ronaldo’s (Don’t start judging me. I can’t help that he’s cute!), and Singapore’s famous criminal lawyer, Subhas Anandan’s. One was pure delight for the eyes and the other an insightful read.
However, “Unbearable Lightness” was neither. More than being insightful, it was a painful read because of how honest and candid Portia De Rossi was about what she went through and even though the main selling point is about her journey through anorexia, the underlying issues of uncertainty about ourselves, the need to fit in society’s idea of beautiful is something that most of us can recognize with. It was so real, so relatable that at certain parts of the book, it seemed as though I was reading a book that is reflecting my own insecurities and feelings.
Warning for those who are waiting for a peep into the glamorous life of Hollywood celebrities, you would be sorely disappointed and you would probably not find it useful if you are reading this book for coping/healing techniques for Eating Disorders. The writing is not Pulitzer Prize standard but what you might get is a few important messages about eating disorders and an unexpected rollercoaster of emotions.
Firstly, to anorexics, their anorexia is more than just an eating disorder; it is like a security blanket, protecting them from the harsher realities of life. To them being able to control their weight is a measure of their success and proof that they have the willpower. And secondly, even when anorexics start to eat it doesn’t mean that they are no longer thinking about not eating. “The anorexic mind doesn’t just magically go away when weight is gained – it gets more active”. Anorexia is not glamorous because what you have to suffer during the weight-losing process and the aftermath is just not worth it.
I loved the book. She taught me that at the end of the day, we are not our thighs, we are not that number on the weighing machine and we are not how much weight we can lose. It is not easy to change how we view ourselves overnight but small steps go a long way. Portia De Rossi is a beautiful woman and I really appreciate how she is generous enough to share her story with so many millions of us out here.
“I missed my bones so much. I cried at night because I couldn’t feel my hip bones and not having them to physically hold onto was like losing a dear friend”. – Unbearable Lightness, Portia De Rossi